Premier League Round-Up: The Madness of December is Over, the Insanity of January is About to Begin

As the fixture lists thicken, so too does the plot. The Premier League has always prided itself on the brutality of its winter schedule, of the underlying feeling that, while any team can vault themselves into its upper echelons through no more than deep pockets, to scale its summit demands a resolve deeper still. Continue reading “Premier League Round-Up: The Madness of December is Over, the Insanity of January is About to Begin”

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Pardew and Allardyce the Only Winners as the Premier League’s Depressing Game of Musical Chairs Continues

Dust off your glitter-balls, whip out the flared trousers: the Premier League’s about to get its boogie back. Yes, Alan Pardew, last seen swinging his hips with trademark focus on the task at hand moments before his Crystal Palace side imploded in the FA Cup final, is back in the big time at West Brom. And as if that wasn’t enough to get you on your feet and fist pumping, Sam Allardyce, himself no stranger to being caught embracing the furious rhythm of the night, will also be cha-cha-chaing his way back to the dugout at Everton after cha-cha-charging a small fortune to pull the Toffees out of their present malaise. Continue reading “Pardew and Allardyce the Only Winners as the Premier League’s Depressing Game of Musical Chairs Continues”

Andy Carroll Idiocy Presents Bilic a Shot at Redemption

Andy Carroll has always seemed more horse than man. Often, this is his greatest attribute. There are few more paralysing sights for a centre-half than catching Carroll in your peripheral vision, tongue drooling and eyes bulging with anticipated glory, as he comes galloping in at the back post to meet a cross like a Grand National contender attacking Becher’s Brook. It’s a truly awesome sight and there are surely very few players in the world who are so good at one single element of footballing practicality as West Ham’s centre forward is in such a situation. Continue reading “Andy Carroll Idiocy Presents Bilic a Shot at Redemption”

Premier League Week 7: A Tale of Two Strikers

 

There wasn’t a great deal particularly impressive about Harry Kane’s first goal on Saturday. Two centre backs caught up the pitch, a harmless header into the Huddersfield half, a defensive error and a keeper beaten at his near post. So slapdash was the chance’s conception, and so straightforward its consumption, that it failed to threaten the forward’s top five finishes of the week. Given his recent rampancy, Kane himself may have already forgotten scoring a goal of such mundanity. Continue reading “Premier League Week 7: A Tale of Two Strikers”